Posted by: pendrops | January 3, 2009

un-great expectations

stomach-ache

“Oh, then you just feel great now, don’t you?” the stranger said as I rested my hand on the growing bulge above my hips. “These are the golden days of your pregnancy,” she said, patting my arm and walking off.

I don’t remember how or why I would have begun talking to a complete stranger about what trimester I’m in, but it must have seemed appropriate at the time. But as I walked away, I couldn’t help feeling that there was something wrong with me.

It seems everywhere I turn, magazine articles, pregnancy books, and random women are telling me that I have now entered the most favored three months of pregnancy.

You’re showing, but you’re not too big yet…

The nausea is gone and now you can really enjoy those cravings…

You’re energized, your hormones are balanced, and you get that pregnant glow…

You’re out of the danger zone; there’s nothing to worry about with the baby now…

Well, if these are the golden days of pregnancy, then somebody please take me back to the dark days of nausea and fatigue in my first trimester. So far, my arrival into glorious second trimester-ness has only allotted me more fatigue than ever, gut-wrenching acid reflux and heartburn, sharp ligament pains, whacked-out hormones, and one quasi-emergency trip to the midwife office to make sure the baby was okay.

Some golden days.

“Maybe there’s a lesson you can learn in all this,” my dad said today. He’s right. There is a lesson. It’s the same damn lesson I’ve fought my whole life to learn. A lesson about expectations.

I live far too much of my life in fear of what others expect and what I expect of myself. If the second trimester is supposed to be golden, well then poo-poo on me if I’m not fully golden… if I’m not feeling what other women felt in their second trimester… if I’m not glowingly energized and dancing a jig. All these expectations for me, for my pregnancy, for my life, must be right. And I must be wrong as I double over from another acid reflux attack.

But what pregnancy, and life, is teaching me is that expectations have absolutely no value. They are good for nothing except increasing pressure and perfectionism while stealing confidence and identity.

So, here’s the deal: Thus far, my second trimester has left me feeling like, well, mustard-green projectile baby poop. But it doesn’t mean I don’t love my precious baby beyond belief. It doesn’t even mean I don’t love being pregnant. It just means that I don’t feel the way everyone (including me) thinks I should feel right now. And that’s ok.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for my fourth nap of the day.

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Responses

  1. You are bloomin hilarious! That seems so inappropriate to write b/c I know you’re hurting. But you make even the hardest of situations humorous. I love that about you. And I’m so thankful I get to walk beside you in this bout of nausea, heartburn, and obviously misinformed strangers.

    Can’t wait to see you tomorrow!! 🙂

    Huge hug,
    Mel

  2. Oh my, you just crack me up. 🙂

    But great word about expectations. Right on, girlfriend.

  3. Ha! Isn’t it so true, though?! Everyone tells you what you should feel and it ain’t so all the time. We’re all different. Some love being pregnant and others hate it! It is what it is. It’s good to know that you’ll have a precious little wonder in the end.

  4. I know that the precious “life” at the end of the tunnel is worth all of this! And you know, since everyone is giving you advise, I must share that the next one will be a lot easier – at least, that’s what they say!! Love you much, Grandma

  5. Hi Krista & Congrats on the baby!! We’re so happy for you guys. I’m sure you are getting LOTS of unsolicited advice these days, but I couldn’t resist when I read about your heartburn. After a nauseating 1st trimester with Audra, I had a blissful couple of weeks before the Heartburn from Hell set in for the duration of the pregnancy. Actually, I felt fairly good otherwise, but the heartburn was awful. The only thing that gave me certain relief was baking soda water (and sometimes sleeping in a recliner :p). I hope that helps you out some, too. Love you guys!!


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