Posted by: pendrops | July 15, 2008

blame me

Jesus said, “You’re asking the wrong question. You’re looking for someone to blame. There is no such cause-effect here. Look instead for what God can do.”

~ John 9 msg

I heard the voice clearly, but not audibly. Distinctly, but not with my ears. Heard it like I’ve heard so many of the truest things. That was this morning.

* * * * *

Two years ago, I began a journey of forgiveness, forgiveness mostly toward myself, but forgiveness toward others, too. Because there is so much to forgive. Big and small. And we do others and ourselves a gigantic disservice when we sweep grievances and pain and wounds under the rug, pretending that they didn’t happen while passive-aggressively punishing the offender. When we fail to forgive, we minimize the power of redemption.

So forgiveness is necessary.  It is lifeblood.  And it is a kind of death. A death to our proud, impostor selves. And, as such, it is the hardest thing we do. It just costs so damn much. Because we have been hurt. Because someone should pay. Because forgiveness means letting our pain-causer off the hook and bearing the cost of their debt.

That’s why it’s taken me two years to journey through the hills and mostly valleys of forgiveness.  That’s why it will take me the remainder of my natural life to learn the postures of pardon, the ways of grace, the manners of mercy.

But I had a breakthrough.  It came when I heard, when I listened. It came because there has been much to forgive – and be forgiven for – in recent days.

I don’t know how you feel about how the Holy Spirit “speaks” to you. For me, it’s something like a light that illuminates my heart and a truth that renews my mind. Like someone whispering reality into ears that mostly hear falsehood.

That whispering is what happened this morning as I asked God to show me how to forgive – how to forgive others and myself. Because we all need forgiveness.

I was telling Him how I’ve run out of techniques and strategies for forgiveness. I was crying out about how I don’t want to be angry and bitter at all the offenses anymore. I was remembering all the parables and words of Jesus, but it didn’t help. I was at the end of my frayed forgiveness rope.

Then…

Blame Me.

I was startled by the starkness of these two words that invaded my heart.  Startled to silence.

You need someone to blame for it. For all of it. Blame Me.

I stopped in my tracks, inhaled a huge gulp of Williamson County air, and let Truth’s breath wash over me. And then I saw it, something in my mind’s eye. It was the blame, all of it, ugly and deadly. My blame. Their blame. Nailed and covered and finished on a bloody cross.

And I think I forgave today.

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Responses

  1. wow. That is a strong dose.

    Thank you.

  2. That is very powerful. Thank you SO much for sharing!

  3. …Shudder… Thanks for the transparent insights.


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