Posted by: pendrops | March 30, 2007

beautiful people

feet_scale.jpg

“So, Krista, have you ever struggled with an eating disorder?”

Constance Rhodes, founder of Finding Balance and author of Life Inside the Thin Cage, was on the other line. She had just asked if I would sing *Beautiful People, a song I wrote, and participate in an interview on the new Finding Balance site.

“No,” I replied, proud to say I had dodged that bullet. “I’ve never had anorexia, bulimia, or any of those other, you know, major eating disorders.” I paused. “I just have typical girl stuff. You know, sometimes I’m preoccupied with eating and working out, fear of what the scale will say. The normal stuff.”

But as the words escaped my lips, it hit me: this shouldn’t be “normal.” This isn’t the way I was meant to live.

As our conversation continued, I thought back over the past 10 years; my patterns and tendencies, the skewed view I had of my body. Times that I worked out, not to be healthy, but in an effort to erase the effects of eating. Times that I deprived myself in order to feel control. Times I let the numbers on a scale determine whether I was satisfied with myself or depressed for the day.

Because I had never given myself over to anorexia, bulimia, compulsive eating, obsessive exercising, or taking laxatives, I had missed the reality of my own borderline disorder. I had tread meticulously, careful never to cross over into full-blown sickness. But the truth is, for more than 10 years, I had wrestled with a sometimes-paralyzing perspective on food, exercise, and my body.

These past several months have been revealing, tough, and freeing. There’s no war won yet, but as with any addiction, any disordered way of living, big or small, the first battle is just admitting something’s wrong.

Then, after we admit, we dare. Dare to listen to truth, and dare to believe it. I’ve been listening to the truth about my body lately, hearing God whisper tender realities over the screaming lies of a dysfunctional society, over my own hypercritical voice. And I believe Him – most of the time.

In these trenches, He says, “You are beautiful. This is the body I made for you. I sculpted every line, formed every curve, molded every inch. My fingerprints are all over you. And I don’t make mistakes.”

If Constance were to call me today and ask if I had ever struggled with an eating disorder, my answer would be different. “Yes. It’s still a battle, too. But I am daring to see me, to see the beauty and the truth, to be free.”

*Use QuickTime to view music video

~~~~~

If someone you know is struggling with any type of eating disorder, please get help immediately. Go to Finding Balance for information, personal testimonies, and access to trained professionals.

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Responses

  1. I love that song… and nice purple shirt, have I seen you wear that before?


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