Posted by: pendrops | January 30, 2007



“Remember when we first met and everything was still a bet in love’s game…”
Honey and the Moon, Joseph Arthur

Two years ago today, I was driving back to work from a meeting I had set up with a woman at my church. I was searching and needed some wisdom about a new friendship. As I asked my questions and told my story, she listened and then encouraged me to discontinue the friendship. “If you were my daughter, I would tell you to distance yourself.”

I had sought this woman’s advice because she was wise, the head of the women’s ministry, in fact. She had the market cornered where godly, feminine insight was concerned.

That’s what I thought, at least.

I held the lump in my throat down during our hour-long appointment, but when I got in my car it exploded and gushed forth from my saline eyes. Distance yourself, she had said. Just thinking about that stung. I turned on the radio to drown out my hurt and uncertainty, but instead of late 80s soft rock, a song from a CD my new friend loaned me reverberated inside my small car.

“But right now, everything you want is wrong…”

I laughed and cried as the penetrating lyrics and gentle melodies swirled around me, confusing me even more. I wondered if it was a sign. But I wasn’t ready to give up on this friendship just because it looked different on the outside. My heart knew better, it knew not to let go yet as it whispered something I couldn’t understand.

So I dared to continue the friendship, treading lightly with the echo of this woman’s words in my ears, second-guessing my every emotion and motivation. Then, a few weeks later, it didn’t matter anymore.

Counsel is wise, but some questions – oftentimes the most essential ones – already have their answers. They’re in the elemental places of the heart. Waiting to be found.

*For my best friend. I love you forever, Jason.



  1. Best thing you’ve ever written.

    Lots of people write about the vritue of seeking wisdom.

    Few are bold enough to write about the skepticism that should come with it.

  2. I remember more than one “advisor” informing me that Sarah and I were wrong for each other, and Sarah received even more advice than I.

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